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Why I Decided to Close the Bakery //

· EVENTS

Ever since I decided to close the bakery, the number one question that people have been asking me, is "why?" so I felt a response was necessary.

I made the decision to close the retail wing of my company a few months ago for one simple reason: it was time. All signs were pointing to closing: my lease was up; I was physically and emotionally exhausted; there was a labor shortage in the area; my employees were no longer happy; and worst of all, I was no longer happy. The reason that my unhappiness was the worst part of the equation is because I opened the bakery with so much happiness, and as that happiness began to fade, so too did the morale of everyone I was working with. If you’ve ever run a restaurant or a bakery, then you know exactly just how fragile this imperative ingredient actually is.

When I made this realization, I didn’t have to think twice about renewing the lease. Rent costs were increasing; labor costs ungodly. When you are faced with these kinds of undeniable truths, you don’t really have any other choice but to submit to what is happening. So that is what I did, which is significant, because I am an VERY stubborn person and I usually force my will to make things happen. But I had changed. No more powering through to make it work. There were too many factors that I could not bend to my will, so I submitted. I allowed life to unfold and waited to see where that unfolding took me.

The most interesting part of this entire process is the fact that I did not resist a single moment of the grieving; I grieved for months before and after we closed our doors.

Tempting as it was to emotionally beat myself to a bloody pulp, I did not repel the feelings of disappointment and failure; I embraced them wholeheartedly so that anytime I felt these feeling being projected onto me, I was able to say, “Wow, I see you now. Thank you for showing me what I’d prefer not to feel. Thank you for judging me so I don’t have to judge myself.”

This was the roller coaster I was on; feeling empowered one second to feeling like a flea the next; but I didn’t embed myself in the darkness. I stood still and let the light of change wash over me.

When you are really in this process, it feels simultaneously disgusting and healing because you see the path out of that feeling; but you’re still acknowledging these feelings coming from others and doing everything in your power not to turn them against yourself. So, uncomfortable as change is, it is ultimately the catalyst we all need, and deep down are craving, so we can continue to evolve. In short, closing the bakery was a natural byproduct of my evolution.

I would be lying if I didn’t say there were so many dreams that crumbled with this decision, but I know in my heart it was the best decision I ever could of made. My dedication to my craft and my mission here on earth has never been more clear. I was born to help the world in some way; I’ve known this since I was a little girl, but I never knew how I would achieve this purpose until I learned all of my lessons. Opening and closing the bakery was a key component to my personal growth.

When I look back over my fifteen years of pursuing this dream, I see every gift that has been bestowed upon me and my gratitude is immeasurable. In the past, however, I was in a place where I did not feel worthy of myself or my gifts; my cookbooks weren’t good enough; my company didn’t make enough money, so I wasn’t worthy of an investor. I was constantly in a space of trying to prove myself rather than just BE myself, so my purpose became muddled; my ironclad will, shaken.

So, I stepped away. I closed the bakery; I fell apart; then I was very still.

I relearned how to watch the branch of a tree bend in the wind and I saw with fresh eyes how beautiful each of my children are, and felt how much I want to remain alive until they grow old. I want to trim their nails until they won’t let me. I want to guide them until they no longer need guiding.

I’m not trying to be something I am not any longer because not only is it exhausting, its just not real. My mentor (whom I love and respect very deeply) once said that “we are all created as we are for a very beautiful reason.” My reason for being is very simple: to help make the gluten-free world a better place.

I can tell you unflinchingly that I am out there; I think really differently, but that is a really really good thing. That is how I was able to create the flour blend line. No other version of me could of done that work. I’ve never fit in; I never truly belonged to any clique, (but from the age of 14-33, I really wanted to); I have learned that me being a part of the popular crowd was never ever meant to be. I fought this feeling for years, but now that I am in my 39th year, I have woken up from that dream. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel alone. I feel like I am exactly where I need to be, and that is the most exciting feeling in the world.

Moving forward, all I will be doing is showing you and the world how seamless my flour blends are, with original recipes as well as weekly recipe hacks, where I will randomly pick a recipe from an existing book or website and make it gluten-free.

I will also be addressing the topic of wellness because I feel that going gluten-free improves everyone's lives. You begin eating fewer pesticides and genetically modified foods, and your body will have the energy to heal itself. Inflammation will decrease, and your overall body will begin to feel elevated, lighter and more of you will re-ememerge.

This is a very beautiful process and I'm super excited to help guide you in any way I can.

Now, let’s get baking!

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